Moop

Wow, almost two years since I last posted in this thing. Guess I kinda just got caught up in life.

Since last time, I have recently obtained a job working at Barclays Bank, IT Support department, for quite a decent salary, and i'm living alone, renting a one-bedroom flat.

Every nineteen year olds dream, right?

I hate it.

I honestly feel that my life just has no purpose. I get up every day, go through the same routine, go into work, sit around trying to look busy for 4 hours, go to lunch and attempt to be sociable for an hour, try to look busy for another 3 hours, go home, sit on the computer playing WoW for 6-7 hours with the only college friend I still talk to, go to sleep, repeat.

Every day.

Weekends, just skip the work part, I just sit at my computer playing WoW.

I don't go out, I don't know anyone here. When I took this job, I moved to a totally new area, where I knew absolutely no-one. If it wasn't for this one college friend I still talk to, I would probably have gone insane quite some time ago.

Recently, it's gotten worse. I've stopped sleeping regularly. I tend to stay up all night sunday, go to work looking like absolute shit, come home at 5, crash all night, wake up at like 4am, go to work, stay up all night, then crash at 5, and repeat. It's absolutely absurd, and it makes me feel like absolute ass every day, but I can't stop doing it for some stupid reason, maybe i'm just an idiot, I don't know.

I do have one "friend" at work, who I talk to through e-mails most of the day, but it's all about superficial stuff that neither of us really care about, and I can't really talk about any of the things i'm REALLY interested in, since nobody actually talks about that stuff in real life. He's more of a convenience friend, somebody i've befriended just so I have somebody to talk to at work and at lunch times. I can guarantee that if either him or myself lost this job, we'd never talk to eachother again.

In the end, I would kill for somebody to talk to, and I mean -really- talk to. Not just mindless small-talk, but somebody I could sit down with, and have a mutually interesting conversation with. About what? Who knows, I just want some human contact.

I'll probably write more later, since I recently rediscovered this forgotten venting space, but until then, laters,

Nobody in particular.

Rawr

Times are better.

Job situation hasn't improved, but meh, Mom got a promotion at work so the money issue isn't THAT bad anymore, although it's still tight, but at least now I can focus on my college work and hopefully get a good grade. The last few weeks have been non-stop college work, literally without a break, and yet, strangely, i'm really enjoying it. Working together with friends to get things done, joking about our deadlines, actually creating the work this year, it's actually been pretty fun.

Birthday coming up, bleh. I hate my birthday with a passion, purely because it is 3 days from Christmas, this means that we combine the family Christmas celebration with my Birthday. This means that everyone is there, an they all start singing happy birthday, and blek. I guess it's not that bad, but it's always awkward and uncomfortable, but again, meh.

This weekend is going to be very un-fun. We are having loads of Moms old school-friends over to our house for christmas/my birthday. Of course, they all bring THEIR children. Now, let me recap previous years. In the previous years, the long long ago, yesteryear, whatever you choose to call it, WE would go to one of THEIR large houses. Every single one of them, a massive house, almost mansion-like in appearance, with plenty of space to amuse, entertain and host a decent christmas "do" in. Now, our house. Our house is tiny, miniscule, miniature. Small. I have to wonder how in the hell my mother intends to fit about 6-8 children into the tiny space that is otherwise known as my room. I have a bed, I have very little floorspace, and I have a computer desk. I think I can fit about.. 3 on the bed, 2 sitting below the bed on the floor, and that's it, fucking maximum capacity right there. It's not happening. I figure if worst comes to worst I can just hook up the gamecube in my moms room and have them all crash there. I'll tell you one thing, they aren't going fucking near my computer. I'll be guarding it at all times.

What else can I rant about.

Still have no idea what i'm going to do next year, although it doesn't worry me that much. I guess i'll just get a job, try to find a room-mate at a cheap flat or apartment, and just live life. I'll go to University, sure, but not this year. Maybe someone from my college course has similar ideas, who knows, just gonna let it play out, we'll see what happens.

Other than that, everything is pretty okay right now, which is a change from the last few months. College is good, home is good, everything is pretty good. I never actually thought i'd say this, and godamn, if put under trial i'll deny it, but i'm actually really enjoying college right now. The combination of some good friends, and decent tutors has made this year pretty pleasant to be in, and for the first time in my life, I actually -want- to attend, rather than having to.

Man, I never thought that i'd be saying that, ever.

Over and oot.

Meh.

The days of lighthearted non-caring have ended.

Four years ago, money was not a problem, it wasn't even a factor for me. I could get the occasional computer game, I had a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a computer to play on, I didn't care. What the hell would I do with money? Literally, I didn't understand it at all. (Probably not four years ago, a little further back maybe, but that's neither here nor there.)

Lots of change.

Now, money is everything. I want to get lunch at college? Money. I want to go to a concert? Money. I want to go to a movie? Money. I'm responsible, I have actual responsibility. this brings me swiftly to my next topic.

Jobs. Jobs jobs jobs. Jobs.

I hate the concept. "Hey, want more than a life living on the streets without any food or a roof over your head? Okay, all you have to do is sit in this cubicle/Behind this till/In this stock room for 10 hours a day doing the most tedious mind-numbing thing you can imagine. Okay?" I guess i'm not exactly alone in the wish to do nothing except simply go to college without having to worry about money. I don't want to be a millionaire or anything, I just want to be able to fucking live.

Now, living with just my mother, our household income isn't exactly extroadinary. For the last 14-15 years, my mom has worked herself into the fucking ground keeping us afloat, and able to live with commodities and luxuries. Only now, 14-15 years too late, do I realise how much she has actually done for me, how many days, weeks, months, years, she has sacrificed simply so that I could have a nice upbringing, and there I was, at age 4, throwing a tantrum because we had no ice cream, I was so fucking oblivious that the only thing keeping us from near bankruptcy was the monthly child support paycheques we received from my father (Another story, another time). 3 weeks ago, he mailed us a court order saying that he didn't want to pay anymore, and to contest it, we'd have to fly to America for 2 weeks. Either way, we lose basically the same amount of money. Fucking asshole.

So, of course, I needed a job.

Special reserve fiasco aside, i've blogged about my job in a clothes store in the last 2-3 posts. Induction was fine, I went there, learned what I had to do, did it, for 2 weeks. Apparently, my regular Friday and Saturday hours were just "Training Hours". My supervisor gave me my regular schedule today, before work. Now, I won't say my college life is hard, it's not, at all. 3 days a week is fucking bliss. On top of college, here was my proposed work schedule.

Monday: College 9-4:30, Work 6-10pm
Tuesday: Work 12:00 - 8:00pm
Wednesday: Day off
Thursday: College 9-4:30
Friday: College 9-4:30, Work 6-10pm
Saturday: Work 12:00 - 8:00pm
Sunday: Work 12:00 - 8:00pm

Add on top of this, our increasing college workload, and the fact that we're meant to be putting in 20ish hours a week into our work outside of college, and where the fuck am I supposed to be fitting it all in? My supervisor, after being told of my schedule said "These are the christmas hours, if you can't manage it, then we have a problem". No, I can't manage it, you stupid fuck. So that's it. Child Support has stopped, cash reserves are depleting, and i'm now out of a job DURING the jobless christmas period. Fantastic.

Anyway, enough about that, I usually find something else to bitch about.

You know what, I sat here for about 5 minutes right now thinking of something, but I just can't.

Signing off.

Moo

Long time since I wrote here.

Not much has been happening really. Had a weeks break from college the last 7 days, which is pretty awesome, but on the other hand, we only -actually- have to do 3 days out of 5 anyway, so to be honest, it doesn't really matter. Once again I swore to quit playing World of Warcraft, and once again I failed. I wonder when I will actually stop playing it, because every time i've tried to quit in the last few months, i've failed miserably.

Capdown in 5 or 6 days, awesome. Should be a fun experience, and since it's such a small venue, maybe i'll be able to talk to the band a little. Seen them about.. 4-5 times before, and they're awesome every single time they play. Still a little rough around the edges on stage, but damn, they play with tons of energy which really makes you get into the songs.

I got that job I applied for, I actually had to phone up to find out if I got it, at which point they said something equivalent to "Oh, right, yeah, we want you to work here, but we forgot and/or can't be bothered to tell you about it. Thanks for phoning, we probably would've never contacted you otherwise", but it's money, so hey.

Christmas is a'coming, and once again, I can't think of a single thing that I actually want. Guess i'll just ask for a few random DVDs or something, Scrubs is looking pretty awesome right about now. The only bad thing about christmas is having to go to a family get-together, which always turns out to be 3-4 hours of me sitting awkwardly trying to look like i'm doing something because there's nobody at these things to talk to, except for the occasional "Hey, how's life!" question, which, invariably, gets answered with either a "Good, good" or a "Great!", and then fades into the distance.

What else..

I just sat here thinking of what to write, and thought it'd be funny if I made a blog, set the "Change Time & Date" field on every post to 2050, and just write about how Planet of the Apes was an elaborate warning to the past, and that monkeys -have- actually taken over the planet. How awesome would that be, really. Actually, it probably wouldn't, but I giggled at the idea anyway.

Late Edit: Yay, I thought of more things to bitch about! Mostly blog-related, after getting bored and clicking the "Next Blog" button a few times. Subject A: Blogs created by 14-16 year old kids, bitching about how much life sucks, how much their life is fucked up, and about how they want to kill themselves and shit. You're fucking 15ish, get the fuck out there and start having fun. If they can't handle being 15, how the fuck are they going to handle a job and a relationship? Christ.

Subject B: Sports blogs. Now, I may be a tad biased, since I loathe pretty much every sport, but christ, if I want to know the score of Game X between Z and Y, i'm not going to go to "Joes Baseball Blog" or "Mikes Football Blog", i'm going to go to fucking BBC.co.uk or something, I know it's hypocritical, bitching about blogs in a blog, but screw it, it's 4am and i'm feeling that way.

Subject C: Blogs from 14 year old girls who cannot type a single word without abbreviating it somehow. Usually in capitals too. Actual quote, "2DAY I WENT 2 DA PICS WIF SHELL. SAW WEDDIN CRASHERS, IT WOZ PRETY FUNNY BUT 2 BORIN SUMTIMES". What. The. Fucking. Fuck. We need to find these blogs, find the people who write them, line the up and shoot them. Stop butchering my language, and use basic grammatical skills. Why all capitals, why? You can't be bothered to push an extra key to turn "WIF" into "With", so how the hell can you be bothered to push the caps lock key at the start of the post. Die please, just die.

Is there a subject D? One sec.

Two secs.

Fuck it, I don't think so. If there is, it isn't important enough to piss me off enough as much as the others do, especially subject C. I weep for mankind. [/EDIT]

And my mind is totally blank now, and I can't think of anything to write about, so

[Insert Generic Exiting Comment Here]

Another post-type thing.

Moo.

Why am I so obsessive about everything? Let me elaborate.

Whenever I want something, I start to think. Over time, I slowly build up this idyllic view of what I want in my head. Say, for instance, it's a bike. Over the course of a few days, weeks, in my head, I build up a collection of images, like, riding around the block at top speed, doing some wheelies, skids, etc. I've never actually wanted a bike, but it's a good example. I drive myself crazy with it, and eventually, there comes a point where I will do -anything- to get it, because i've built it up so much in my mind, I start to feel that my life will not be complete without it. I become frantic, desperate. This leads to me doing utterly retarded things to obtain said object, which I have usually over-hyped to such a degree, no matter if it was a robotic shark with x-ray vision, it could not live up to my standards, hence, I am dissapointed.

Meh.

Still haven't heard from the job place, starting to worry, I thought the interview went very well. Haven't really applied anywhere else, which was probably a mistake, so if I don't get this one, it'll set the entire job thing back a while. On this topic, i've been thinking about the entire university/employment conundrum, and me and a few friends think we might take a gap year, and share a house, get jobs, etc. Scary, thinking of moving out, but I do -know- that it would be insanely fun.

Discovered a new band lately, The Schoolyard Heroes. Female lead singer, which is very different in the punk/rock scene, only other one I can think of is that chick from Tsunami Bomb. Really into them right now, they're like a heavier New Found Glory, which is pretty awesome. Also, got back into NOFX after a little break from them, you just can't stay away from songs like Showerdays.

Not much else to talk about, except to say that damn, I need to take a shower.

Until next time amigos, adios.

Moopers & Pickles.

I just stubbed my toe when I sat down to write this. Fsckpickles.

Anyway, I return.

I meant to write this yesterday, but got distracted by something shiny and didn't. I promise I won't this time. Although, if I did, you wouldn't know, because I wouldn't post. Furthermore, nobody -actually- reads this, so "you" is nobody, so you wouldn't care if I never updated this anyway.

...

Anyway, got home from college last night with -the- worst headache ever, lay down to relax until it went away, ended up falling asleep and waking up at 4am thinking where the fuck my evening went. Hey, at least my headache's gone, and I haven't slept for that long in a while.

Now, a little thing that's been pissing me off. What is with all these political and moronic blogs? I mean, Jesus Christ, "BUSH IS AN IDIOTZ AND LIEK HE SUX N' STUFF" No shit, really? Then you've got blogs that just quote poems or songs, which is also retarded for obvious reasons that I don't even have to use sarcasm to portray. Also, heed these words, if you ever create a blog, THINK about the colour scheme or background people. If I see one more blog with a red on red, blue on blue or a stupid picture in the background which makes it unreadable, I am going to scream, keep it simple, black on white or the inverse, or at least check that it's readable. Please, do it for Jesus.

Moving on.

Planning to go with a few friends to see Capdown on the 5th of November, should be a fun time. What's gotten to me lately is the 2006 Groezrock festival. You cannot fathom how much I am looking forward to this festival. It is going to be absolutely insanely fun. I know a guy who lives in Belgium who is going too, so it'll be fun to meet him, and have a few (a lot) of drinks together.

College work is piling up again, but i'm pretty sure I can stay on top of it this year, I learnt a lot from last years mistakes, and i'm gonna try to step it up. And why the crap is a lot spelled how it is. Alot is much better. From now on, fsck it, i'm writing it as alot. If you don't like it, you can eat a bullet.

What else, what else, what else.

Right, I had a job interview, and i'm pretty sure that i'll get it, which is both good and bad. Good that i'm going to have my own money, bad that I actually have to do a job, but I guess it had to be done, so meh. Funny thing about me is that I can think on my feet to a scary degree. Got asked a question at the interview, and I didn't hesitate, didn't go "errrm", I was like, BAM, answer. I just thought it up, right there, on the spot. Bad thing about that is, sometimes I think up a stupid answer, then I can't take it back, and I get into this huge big web of lies thing. Thankfully my answer wasn't stupid at the interview, and it went well.

Laziness, tiredness and overall mehness is catching up to me, so I guess i'll say goodbye until next time. I'm not sure who i'm saying goodbye to, again, but meh meh meh. Maybe somebody will stumble across this someday. In that case, hi.

Bye.

What other words can I come up with for "Random stuff".

Well, just felt like writin', so i'm writin'.

Since last time I wrote, i've gone back to college. Man, that first day of my second year, I was pretty scared, I mean, I had friends from last year, sure, but there were 4 different classes. How the hell could I know if I was going to be put in a group with my friends, or with some random assholes who wanted to inflict harm upon me? I didn't, they should pre-inform you about that kind of shit, they just read through the list, and you pray that your name comes next to a friend of yours. Anyway, all worked out well, and I got put in a class with a few good friends from last year. Recently discovered E-bay, and have become pretty addicted, shame I don't have a job right now to support the addiction. Soon my pretties, soon.

What happened recently... yeah, we spent about 5 hours of class quoting Hulk Hogan phrases, then laughing for half an hour about it, then quoting again, then laughing again. It was pretty retarded. Other than that, eh, back to business as usual, looking for a new job, doing college work, playing games.

Went to the Reading Festival over the summer, saw some good bands, got wasted, saw Iron Maiden, which was akin to a religious experience. That was pretty much that.

Hm, gimme a sec, and i'll think of some more stuff to bitch about.

...

...

...

Hrm.

...

Right yeah, not having money sucks. I mean, doing a job sucks, but not having money sucks even more. Basically, life is all about just trying to achieve a lower level of suckage. I want to use e-bay, I want t-shirts, I want DVDs, I have to work, and work sucks. If I don't work, I can't get t-shirts, DVDs, or go to concerts, which sucks. Which is the lesser suck? I believe working and having money is the lesser suck, henceforth, I choose it.

Okay, I really think i'm out of stuff to talk about now, so i'll sign off until next time.

Adios.